Lafayette Couples Therapy

How Being an Over-Involved Sports Parent Can Negatively Impact Your Relationship with Your Children

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We’ve all heard of it before, or perhaps even seen it first-hand: the sports parent on the sidelines, screaming at their child or the coaches. They may mean well and think they’re being encouraging, but they’re negatively impacting their child’s sports experience. So how can you tell if you’re an overly involved sports parent?

Social Media

You may have noticed when a sports parent friend or family member gloats on social media when their child succeeds. You may even be guilty of this yourself. They show ribbons, trophies, or happy, smiling photos when their child wins, yet say nothing when they lose. To foster confidence in children, we should put emphasis on their effort, not focus on their success while downplaying a loss.

Losing Your Identity

You may have “softball mom” t-shirts or even a customized license plate. You may schedule your life around your son or daughter’s sports events, or have an empty feeling when you can’t attend one of their games. You might personalize their success or failure by thinking or saying “we won” or “we lost.” If some or all of this sounds familiar, you might be over-involved in your child’s sports activities.

Obsessed with Winning

Parents that are over-involved in their children’s sports activities tend to obsess over wins and become sad or angry over losses. If you count your child’s points or offer a prize when they win or a sour attitude when they lose, you’ve become over-invested.

It’s natural for a child to crave their parent’s love and acceptance. It may be difficult to see how your expectation or encouragement to win is negatively impacting your child, as it might appear to be working. However, when you pressure your child to succeed, they stop having fun and are instead focusing on pleasing you and making you happy.

Instead of expecting or hoping for a win or the most points, concentrate on helping your child build confidence. Find out from your son or daughter what motivates them to play, then change your perspective to match theirs as you encourage and support them.

It’s important to understand that what you might see as gentle encouragement for your child to win or to be their best, is actually creating unneeded stress and pressure on your son or daughter. Parental expectation on a child to succeed does not create a confident or successful athlete.

If you think you might be overly invested in your kid’s sports and need some help, please call my office at your earliest convenience so we can set up an appointment.

Filed Under: Family Therapy

Parenting An Angry Teen

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Raising a teenager can be one of the most challenging experiences a parent will go through. Teenagers are in an awkward stage, dealing with hormonal changes that are out of their control and a developing brain. They’re awakening to new realizations about themselves and the world around them.

Teenage rebellion is a natural phase, however, handling it as a parent is anything but natural. If you’re struggling with raising an angry teen, here are some strategies that can help.

Keep Your Cool

It may be difficult to keep your cool when your teen is yelling at you, but as the adult, it’s important that you maintain control. Refrain from yelling, cursing, or name-calling your teen. Verbal abuse will only escalate the argument and will have a long-term impact on your child and your relationship. If your child is being verbally abusive, apply consequences to their behavior and speak in a calm, matter-of-fact tone.

Accountability, Not Control

Rather than trying to control your teen and their behavior, make them accountable. Set clear boundaries, and establish rules and consequences.

Listen

It can be difficult to listen when your child is yelling or angry. Your initial reaction may be to defend yourself or criticize. Rather than offering advice or judgment, actively listen to your teen. Be silent as they express themselves, and ask questions to better understand how they’re feeling. You can also calmly express that it’s difficult to listen to them when they’re angry and yelling. By genuinely trying to listen and understand them, you can teach them how to control their emotions and express themselves calmly.

Give Them Space

When your teen is angry and wants to storm off, let them go instead of following them and trying to continue or resolve the argument. It’s healthy for both of you to give each other space and time to cool off so you can revisit the discussion when you’re both feeling calmer.

Pick Your Battles

Your teen is going through a difficult phase, and needs empathy. Remember back to the times when you were a teen to help you empathize. There will be times when your teen is making a bigger deal of something than it needs to be, and as the adult it’s your job to know when to stand your ground, and when to let things go. Talk with your spouse to set boundaries and determine priorities of issues that can be compromised, and issues that are non-negotiable.

If you’re having difficulty with your angry teenager and want some help and guidance, call my office today so we can set up an appointment to talk.

Filed Under: Family Therapy, Teens/Children